By now I’m sure that most people know that having an attitude of gratitude is important for both our mental and physical health. Studies have shown that being grateful has a large positive effect on things such as our cardiovascular system, mental health, relationships and cognitive performance. But what does an effective gratitude practice look like? According to the latest scientific research, as reported by Stanford Professor of Neurobiology Dr. Andrew Huberman (hubermanlab.com), we have been doing it all wrong!

Most gratitude practices involve keeping a journal and writing down things that you are grateful for, such as our family and friends, our jobs, having food on the table, etc. Keeping track of these things is beneficial for several reasons: Positive emotions and outlook are enhanced; it makes us more optimistic; and it improves relationships and friendships when it is expressed to the other. We can even be grateful for negative experiences because they help us to appreciate the positive or, often times in retrospect, reframe something as a “blessing in disguise.” This type of practice does have merit, and, according to Dr. Huberman, can be made more effective by doing things that increase your alertness before journaling. Deep breathing exercises, chanting, or even taking a cold bath before writing in your gratitude journal have been shown to increase the emotional response and add richness to your thought process, which in turn will make your practice more effective, although the effect is only slight. In order to make a lasting change and rewire your brain, a different approach is needed. It turns out that expressing gratitude is not nearly as potent as receiving gratitude.

A New Paradigm for Gratitude Practice

Without getting too technical, here’s a little background on how the brain is wired. There are pro-social neurocircuits in the brain that control our urges to bring us closer to things that are perceived as positive – such as other people, food, pets, and even ourselves. There are also defensive neurocircuits that control the urge to back away from or avoid negative things that cause us fear. Fortunately, these defensive systems are designed to keep us safe from danger, but, unfortunately, they are much more robust than the pro-social circuits. That is why it seems so much harder to focus on the positive over the negative (for example, a critical comment made about you seems to carry so much more weight than a compliment). We have to work at it, but we all have the capacity to choose happiness over worry, concern, or depression. That’s where this new, innovative approach to gratitude has been shown to be so effective.

The key to this new paradigm is in receiving gratitude rather than expressing it. A scientific experiment was done where co-workers wrote letters of gratitude to a subject whose brain electrical activity was monitored as he or she read the letter. Very potent positive effects on the pro-social circuitry were observed as the letter was read. In another experiment, subjects’ brains were monitored as they listened to others tell of their experiences with positive things in their lives – namely as survivors of genocide who escaped with the help from others. The three main components of these stories were 1) they were very powerful; 2) they were authentic; and 3) they were told in narrative form (as a story). The effects on the subjects’ pro-social circuitry were similar to those who experienced gratitude directly, showing that they empathetically received a sense of gratitude (and its positive effects) through the stories of others. This is an extremely important finding because it is pretty rare (at least from my own experience) to have someone tell you an authentic and powerful story about how grateful they are for you. Rather than waiting around for this to happen, you can benefit from other peoples’ stories, even if it is in the form of a book or movie.

The Ultimate Gratitude Practice

So what does an effect gratitude practice look like? Here are Dr. Huberman’s suggestions, along with a few of my own based on my experience:

• If you have a personal story of a time when someone expressed authentic, whole-hearted gratitude to you, write it down in narrative form; it doesn’t need to be long (a half page is fine), but it must be genuine and carry some emotional weight. Details that you may want to put in the story include: Describe the struggle that the other was going through and the emotional state of that person before whatever help or encouragement you gave; what the help or encouragement was; and how the other’s life or outlook was changed afterwards. Then describe how the other expressed their gratitude. Was in the form of a thank-you letter, in person, as a gift or even a heart-felt hug? An example that I found online is the story of a woman who worked as a janitor at a company for over 20 years without ever receiving any acknowledgement of appreciation from her boss or management. The company was sold and, within a few days, the new owner wrote a personal thank-you card to each employee. When the woman read hers, she burst into tears and had to leave work for the day. It turned out she was thinking that, with the change in ownership, it was a good time to quit her job and was planning on giving her notice that very day. She was so touched by the simple act of gratitude that she changed her mind and decided to stay. I’m sure that she was a happier and more productive employee after receiving this seemingly small act of gratitude.

• While having a story where you are the recipient of gratitude is probably the most powerful, you can receive gratitude from the stories of other from books or movies. Examples include the movies Schindler’s List and Hacksaw Ridge or the book A Simple Act of Gratitude by John Kralik. Again, write a brief summary which includes the points listed above.

• After writing down the narrative, you can outline the story in a few bullet points of the highlights. In this way, you can easily commit the story to memory.

• Although it’s not necessary, I find it helpful to do a few short breathing exercises to relax and focus my mind before reading or recalling the bullet points. Then simply meditate on your story for between one and five minutes, three times per week. Of course you can do this for a longer period or more often, but the beauty of this practice is that you can get powerful results with a very minimal time and effort commitment.

By repeatingly thinking back on your story of receiving gratitude, you can rewire the neurocircuits in your brain and body. From improving social relationships to increasing resilience to trauma, to promoting relaxation and feelings of joy, to reducing the inflammatory response, the benefits of this practice are profound. I haven’t found any other practice, including meditation, exercise, yoga, or hypnosis, that has such a huge upside potential compared to the time and effort required. On a personal and anecdotal level, I have felt a huge impact on my own sense of well-being after only two weeks of doing this practice. Give a try and I’m sure you will too!