When it comes to loneliness in seniors, there is good news and bad news. First the good news: According to the American Psychological Association, loneliness in seniors decreases after the age of 50. People in this age group are normally established in their careers, are at or near their peak earning potentials and have a social net of family, friends and community. If they are newly retired, they may be in the “honeymoon phase” where they are free to spend
more time with friends and family (see The 6 Phases of Retirement as a Hero’s Journey).
But now for the bad news: Loneliness in seniors begins to increase after age 75. Possible explanations for this include the decline in physical and mental health, the death of a spouse or partner and loss of contact with adult children or grandchildren. But there is more good news: It doesn’t have to be this way!
The Causes and Signs of Loneliness in Seniors
While the COVID-19 pandemic has had a huge impact on social isolation, there are many other factors that contribute to loneliness in seniors.
Divorce. Divorce rates in people over 50 have risen in the past 20 years. In 1950, approximately 10% of divorces involved people over 50; by 2018, the percentage was around 30%. This means that more seniors are living alone.
Fewer children. The number of seniors without children is growing. In addition, families are smaller than they were 50 years ago, so there is less chance for interaction between seniors and their children and grandchildren. This is especially true of older men who are divorced.
Retirement. Speaking from personal experience, there was an adjustment period after I retired. As much as I liked the people that I worked with, once I retired, I only kept in close contact with a few. As a natural introvert, I enjoy spending time by myself, but I know that it is important to me to avoid too much social isolation, which can lead to loneliness.
Social Isolation. There are many reasons that seniors become socially isolated. It is often difficult to make new connections as you get older. Lack of financial resources, health issues and the fear of crime also can contribute. But social isolation and loneliness are not the same thing. It’s been said that isolation is being alone; loneliness is not liking it.
The Signs of Loneliness in Seniors
One of the difficulties of dealing with loneliness in seniors is that it may manifest in many different forms, including:
- Sleep difficulties
- Addictive behaviors such as alcoholism or drug abuse
- Loss of interest in social gatherings
- Depression or anxiety
- Connecting with strangers via the internet or telephone, which can lead to an increased vulnerability to scammers or being taken advantage of.
The Health Risks of Loneliness in Seniors
Dr. Vivek Murthy, the United States Surgeon General under three presidents, describes how loneliness affects health in his book Together. According to Dr. Murthy, we evolved and thrived as a species because we depended on each other for protection from predators, to hunt and to share food supplies. Over time, this dependence in others became a part of our nervous system. Being separated from our family or tribe caused stress because it put us at a greater risk of danger or starvation. In the short term, this stress is not harmful; in fact it is beneficial. Just as hunger signals us to seek out food and thirst signals us to seek water, loneliness signals us to seek social connection. The problem is when loneliness persists and becomes chronic, because chronic stress has been shown to cause harm to our physical and mental health, such as:
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- High blood pressure
- Heart disease
- Obesity
- Alzheimer’s Disease
- Depression or anxiety
- Weakened Immune System
(from Social Isolation, Loneliness in Older People Pose Health Risks)
Combating Loneliness in Seniors
The more that I research the secrets to living a happy and healthy life after retirement, the more I find that it comes down to two things: Having a purpose in life and giving back to your community. The same is true for combating loneliness in seniors. Here are a few excellent resources that you might want to check out if you or someone that you know is struggling with loneliness.
Men’s Shed
Men’s Shed is a non-profit organization that provides a place for (mostly) men to get together to work on projects, do community service and meet socially. It started in Australia in the 1980’s, spread to Europe in the 2010’s and came to the United States in 2017. Currently there are sheds in Hawaii, Minnesota and Michigan.
On its website, Men’s Shed is described as a club mainly for older guys. They have tools and materials to make “stuff” and
tinker. They share a pot of coffee and make friends. The focus is on building or fixing things; it has been described as being like a shop class or as “Boy Scouts for men.” Each shed develops its own purpose, ranging from fixing bikes for kids to adopting and maintaining community parks. But mainly it is a place where men can escape social isolation and boredom in a way that they are comfortable. Their motto says it all: “Men don’t talk face to face, we talk shoulder to shoulder.”
Since the Men’s Shed movement is so new in the U.S, there aren’t many locations. If you are interested, you can start your own Shed. Hopefully, this movement will spread because there is a great need for a way for older men to reach out and connect with each other, to find a purpose and to have fun!
Little Brothers – Friends of the Elderly
Most people have heard of Big Brothers and Big Sisters of America, where older adults volunteer to mentor and befriend children and young adults. But there is also a non-profit organization called Little Brothers – Friends of the Elderly (LBFE), where young people (although any age volunteer is invited to join) establish relationship and friendship with older adults. Programs include one-on-one visits, special occasion celebrations, outings and social
gatherings, inter-generational activities and helping older adults with today’s technology. LBFE has regional headquarters in Boston, Cincinnati, Chicago, New York, San Francisco and Upper Michigan. In addition, LBFE is part of an International Federation of 14 countries in Europe and Asia. If you are interested in either being a volunteer or if you would like a “little” brother or sister, please visit one of the region’s websites.
Americorps Seniors
Americorp is a network of local, state and national service programs, with Americorp Seniors being a branch for volunteers 55 and older who want to share their experiences by being a mentor, coach or companion. It consists of three core programs:
Foster Grandparents provide “grandparents” who mentor, tutor and care for children who were the victims of abuse or who have disabilities.
RSVP (Retired and Senior Volunteer Program) offers a wide range of volunteer opportunities, including tutoring children, building homes and aiding community organizations. Volunteers also contact other seniors by phone to check up on them and provide companionship.
Senior Companions serve as caregivers to adults who need assistance to live independently. They give emotional and physical support by helping with household chores, furnishing transportation and offering companionship.
Volunteering is one of the best ways to combat loneliness. It adds purpose to your life, teaches new skills and provides proven health benefits (see Volunteering).
Loneliness in Retirement – Independent Living Communities
Independent living communities could be a positive option for seniors who are looking for a living situation where they can get or stay connected with others who are at a similar stage of life. It’s a great way to engage with others and meet new friends. Many independent living retirement communities are all-inclusive, so housing, utilities, meals and housekeeping services are provided for one monthly fee. They differ from assisted living or nursing homes in that they
do not provide daily help with personal hygiene, medication management or medical care. They also differ from active adult communities or senior apartments, which may include some amenities but do not normally provide housekeeping, meals or transportation.
Here are two independent living communities that look very interesting and innovative. They supply the needs of a traditional independent living community but also offer programs that incorporate continuing education, inter-generational interaction and personal development:
Lasell Village
Lasell Village in Newton, Massachusetts is located on the campus of Lasell University. It requires residents to commit to a goal-oriented program of education, either through courses offered at the Village or through Lasell University itself. Courses at the Village range from subjects such as creative writing to quantum mechanics to ukelele jamming. The university offers traditional degrees such as business, science, communications and humanities. You take classes
along side other students, mostly in their late teens or early twenties. The older generation can offer their wisdom and maturity to the younger while being inspired and energized by the enthusiasm of the youth. In addition, there are wellness classes, cooking demonstrations and fitness programs to help you stay healthy and active.
MEA Regenerative Communities
The Modern Elder Academy (MEA) is an organization whose purpose is to build a community of midlifers and older who, according to founder Chip Conley, have “grown enough wisdom to know what’s important and begun to get comfy in our own skin – just as it starts to sag.” They offer workshops, sabbatical sessions and online programs to help you find a renewed sense of purpose in midlife and beyond (see my post on Ageism for more information).
MEA is scheduled to open its first Regenerative Community (their version of a retirement community) near Santa Fe, New Mexico sometime in 2023. Unlike a typical retirement community that focuses on leisure, regenerative communities focus on purpose. There are four pillars to this vision:
1) Regenerative Soul: Workshops and classes are offered to help those in midlife and beyond to shift their focus from “ego” to “soul.”
2) Regenerative Community: The MEA community is not for everyone. But if finding meaning and purpose in life is more important than your golf score, this can be a place to meet like-minded people and combat the loneliness and alienation that many will face.
3) Regenerative Locale: Part of the mission of Regenerative Communities is to reach out and support local communities and environments. The first will open in New Mexico, but the plan is to spread throughout the United States. Conley hopes that “MEA will be to 21th Century Regenerative Communities as Del Webb is to 20th Century Retirement Communities.”
4) Regenerative Soil: Instead of a golf course, Regenerative Communities will have a community farm where you work with others to learn and practice regenerative farming techniques to grow produce for the community.
Both Lasell Village and MEA’s Regenerative Communities are niche concepts. But if you, like me, are interested in finding purpose, life-long learning, keeping connected to others and staying healthy, they may be a place to meet like-minded seniors and combat loneliness.
Conclusion
Although it may seem counter-intuitive, the first step in combating loneliness is to connect with yourself. Distractions such as over-eating or drinking, mindless binge-watching television programs, and even healthy things such as exercise or reading may ease the pain of loneliness, but they are only temporary. They can even lead to more social isolation. But acknowledging the problem, as the saying goes, is the first step to solving it.
You can begin by sitting with yourself and your emotions. If you have never meditation, you might want to give it a try. Or begin a gratitude practice. And most importantly, be compassionate with yourself. Realize that everyone feels lonely sometimes. Knowing that you aren’t the only one who feels this way might, ironically, make you feel not so alone in your loneliness. Sometimes just knowing that we all feel the same is enough to give you the motivation and courage to
get out of your comfort zone and connect with others. Maybe it’s reaching out to someone who can help with your feelings of loneliness. It could be volunteering to find purpose in your life or finding a community of like-minded people.
Unlike most other epidemics, loneliness can’t be cured with a drug or vaccine. If we are going to combat the epidemic of loneliness, it’s going to take another epidemic – one where we reach out to others and spread connection and meaning throughout our communities.